Christine
by Winkaku
Summary: Perhaps the government should have been so kind as to alert car-jackers to the presence of look-alikes.


A/N: this story came to me, much to my dismay, while I was trying very hard to come up with a follow-up story to my previous Starscream story. The process in that department has been much like pulling teeth and the last thing I expected out of my twisted machinations would be this; too much South Park I suppose.

CHRISTINE!

Little Jimmy Volmer never really figured that life had consequences, but then again, whomever it was that parked their pretty little lambo in this part of town obviously didn't think so either.

It was dark out, perfect for a night on the town with nothing but the shadows to keep you safe, it was cold and it was thrilling.

Why there was the most beautiful little red lambo he had ever seen, sitting just outside of Les' Bos of all places, in this part of town of all places and at this god awful hour of all times; was a pointless mystery, all that mattered now was that Jimmy saw it first.

The universal law of dibs.

"_**Hell**__-o_ sweet thang! What you doing out here babe?"

Jimmy ran his dirt-stained fingertips across the red beauty like a cat kneading its bedding, leaving sully smears in their wake. Reaching into his pockets he brought out a screwdriver and with the other hand he brought out a hammer.

"Thing of beauty."

Lining the two items up with the keyhole he brought the hammer down and popped the red door open with satisfying ping and nary a scratch on the keyhole. Well _almost_ nary a scratch anyway, oh well, gotta break a few eggs to make an omelet. "Whooohoooooo baby, hell yeah!" The door opened easily and he swung his greasy self right into the drivers seat like a snake darting into it's burrow and damned if it weren't the nicest fucking burrow he'd ever had. Jimmy ran his fingers real sweet like across the dash, taking it all in and finally settled his eyes on the steering wheel; time for the great get-away. With all the force he could muster, he brought his knee up right into the underbelly of the steering wheel and the circuitry that was no doubt underneath and just begging for Jimmy's hot-wiring hands.

Why…why here of all places? _–Race you through the city bro hehehe-_ HA! Sideswipe would bet his bolts that his brother had planned this stupidity from the beginning…it was stupid and Sunstreaker was stupid too so it was _his _stupid fault! Sideswipe grumbled to himself as he quieted his engines, it would do no good to be seen out here, besides, Prowl would be out here after him soon and he'd need every bit of his fortitude just to get through the scolding to come. He sighed to himself, it would be a while, he'd really stepped in it this time and now he was fragging lost! _Lost!_ This stupid- this slag doesn't happen to him!

With another put upon sigh, he let go of his thoughts, just about ready to drift off into a light recharge when his attention was brought to bear on the sounds of something popping and the distinct feeling of having his paintjob violated.

_-- _

Some dirty little human had popped open his door! With a _hammer!_ The human was halfway into bashing open the underside of his dashboard when Sideswipe had decided that enough was enough.

There was a strange rasping noise, followed by the feeling that something wasn't really all that _right_ but Jimmy was grinning like the lizard he was when the engine of his little lambo purred to life like a tiger. Which was odd considering he hadn't even gotten into the dash yet but hey, a lambo's a lambo eh?

"Fuck yeah."

That's when things went very wrong for little Jimmy; there was a clicking sound, a dull mechanical thud kind of like… the door locks?

_-you want in fragger? you got it-_

What was that all about? He brought his hands to the wheel of the car with a lopsided smirk, uncertain as he was to the nature of the car; was this some new on-star tracking crap?

Sideswipe could feel the humans greasy gloveless fingers feathering over his steering wheel and it made his insides crawl. The steering wheel of a vehicle-former was one of the more sensitive areas on their body, something only a close lover was ever allowed to touch; the very thought of that dirty, _greasy _little bastard feeling him up made the lambo sick. Primus help him if that human put his foot down on Sideswipe's gas ped- …he did not just do that… **he did not just do that!**

So he followed up with what every vehicle-former did to keep unsuspecting paws off their hot buttons; he punched it.

"WHAT THE FU-"

The car lurched and the wheels hit the road with a screeching hiss that was normally music to Jimmy's ears. Flung back into the crux of the drivers seat Jimmy held on for dear life as the car turned onto the street and down the road _on its own_.

"SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!"

The second the car hit the open pavement it burst forward like a rocket, taking the hair-pin turns of the city roads like Mario-fucking-Andretti. The world outside was a blur of light off in the distance as the car ran one light after another, street lamps whizzing by in one lone line of yellow-white. Jimmy felt like he was gonna throw up from how fast this wrecker was going but he was too busy screaming, nothing could make this shit-fest any worse than it already was.

Off in the distance came a barely audible sound that Jimmy would never forget and was all too familiar with, a flashing of red and blue and the distinct sound of a patrol car siren.

"**FUCK!"**

Prowl sat at the curb with his engine running, patiently waiting for the longest red light of his life to turn green. He hummed his engine once in annoyance, staring at the traffic light, daring it to stay red.

There was a familiar flash of red accompanied by the tell-tale sound of a certain lambo's engines running at full blast as the crimson blur that was Sideswipe shrieked past him and straight through the red light.

For this there would be blood.

His engines roared to life and he shot off down the street, inundating the lambo twin with a dozen angry hails and turning on his sirens. His queries were met with not words but with a static laughter, which only served to make Prowl angrier and press him to move faster.

The cops! It was a fucking cop! For once in his life Jimmy wished that the world would stop and let him off the carnival ride but it was a bit too late for that. Jimmy was nearly in tears and he could swear someone was laughing at him and as the car came to turn past Burman Street the door swung open and with no seatbelt on Jimmy went tumbling out onto the sidewalk. He spun a few times, earning some nasty road rash but he eventually came to a stop, the blessedly familiar sight of Les' Bos once again smiling down at him. Hugging his jacket tight to his body, Jimmy got onto shaking legs and shook out his whole body, as if the full body shiver would dispel whatever it was that had just happened.

"**Fucking** hell!"

He watched from the curb as the police car continued to chase after the insane devil of a car, still speeding along without a driver. Still shaking, little Jimmy was just glad to have the dirty pavement beneath his grubby sneakers again.

"…fuck me…"


End file.
